I’m not an expert on many things, but how about waking up on another fucking Thursday when you barely slept and your life (still) feels like it’s going in the same direction as most plastic containers that are meant to be recycled? To the dumps.
I might be an expert on that. Not the metaphor.
And it’s not for lack of trying… Sertraline, Mirtazapine, Escitalopram, Propranolol. Currently Venlafaxine, which is serving up some mild spice in the form of some less than pleasant side effects. At least it keeps me on my toes?
Thankfully I quit my job and have been sitting at home for the past month dying a slow death of boredom spread on multigrain toast with a side of existential dread while I wait out the medication transition.
Hope often takes the form of little things…a warm sip of aromatic mint tea and a chirp from a fur baby who snores next to me on the couch. A heated blanket that feels like a big warm hug. Some tasty pineapple salsa that is hopefully worth the impending pain. Life is a lot of ups and downs, all we can do is fight our genetic predispositions to suffer from mental health issues like depression and social anxiety.
Things people have suggested I try:
- Exercise, get outside
- Distract yourself with hobbies
- Try to find a hobby, Victoria
- Practice mindfulness or meditation
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Learn to cook new things, be healthier
- Therapy
- Go back to school, try a career shift
- Socialize
- Drugs (prescription lol)
- Find interesting podcasts
Things from that list that I’ve tried that have helped somewhat:
- Therapy
- Drugs (not only prescription lol)
Exercising or just being outside was an excellent distraction until the temperature dropped into the 30’s. Living in Western Massachusetts has its perks, and by my count that is not one of them (I don’t enjoy winter sports, judge if you must).
Socializing was great until I accidentally let all my friendships go over the course of several years due to self isolation. Finding new hobbies is practical in theory, but less so when you sleep an abysmal 4 hours a night and most hobbies involve keeping your tired eyes open.
Therapy is valuable, I’ll concede that. Complaining to a stranger in a safe environment was useful when I made it useful. But I think that’s my issue with it, that you have to use it correctly for it to benefit you, and toward the end of my most recent liaison in that arena, I started to slack on that front and it ceased improving my daily life. I’m taking a hiatus from it, but not necessarily a permanent split. We’ll see.
Anyways, a pivot.
So how do I currently try to mitigate these nagging mental health issues?
Steps to take
- Take care of something/someone besides yourself if you can
- Establish morning and evening routines for basic hygiene/health/self care
- Eat food and supplements
- Move around (read: get out of bed)
- Find little things that bring you joy and do them every day
- Make a to-do list every day
If you go to a job every day, some of these things are obviously a given (get out of bed, eat food). The rest are likely common knowledge, but I feel are worth saying anyway. They’re all such baseline things that sometimes we do them mindlessly and the importance of using them as tools for mental health is to pay attention while you do them. Notice how you feel as a result.
Taking Responsibility
In my experience, taking care of someone or something other than myself temporarily switches off the victim mindset that seems to be pre-programmed into my brain. We tend to think a handful of the same things over and over every day, and when mental health is suffering the hardest, I subconsciously lean into the victim mentality (i.e. catch myself thinking this way) pretty often.
It’s hard not to feel a victim when depression or anxiety seems unfair, or that it’s out of our control. If you have pets, looking after their needs gives you a more important focus, you’re responsible for the well-being of another living creature. You can make them happy, and by doing so you’ve contributed positively to the world even if you can’t do that for yourself. If you have a partner, cook them something they like or do one of their chores so they don’t have to. It sounds like work (because it is) but it feels good when they appreciate the gesture.
If pets and partners aren’t options that are available to you, water some plants. This hasn’t really worked for me due to having whatever the opposite of a green thumb is (I’m forbidden from touching the plants), but any sense of responsibility beyond your own upkeep should do the job.
Routines
Establishing morning and evening routines serves a couple purposes. For one, it ensures you accomplish something during the day, even if it’s only washing your face or changing your clothes. Beyond that, basic hygiene and self care may not be things that you give a shit about when you’re feeling down, but you’ll care about them when you’re in a better mental state, and be glad you took care of yourself when you were feeling like manure.
Having to pay costly dental bills down the road to fix teeth that you neglected brushing while you were depressed, for example. Cavities don’t care if you’re sad. If you care about physical appearance, the same goes for taking care of your skin or washing your hair. Things degrade when they’re not cared for, and reversing neglect can be time consuming, expensive, or embarrassing.
Eat food and supplements
Emphasis on supplements. Make sure you’re getting enough vitamins and minerals since these can drastically affect mental health. If you haven’t gotten any blood work done lately, consider giving that a go – vitamin D deficiency is linked to depression.
I’ve noticed that eating food in general can sometimes significantly improve your mood, who cares if it’s healthy. Dealing with poor mental health is a battle some days, a matter of survival. Just consume some fat, protein, and carbs and call it a day.
Get out of bed
If you don’t go to a job or other commitment outside your home every day, the option to stay in bed can be tantalizing. But staying in bed when you’re not sleeping can create an association where you end up feeling worse just because you’re in bed. Break the cycle by changing your surroundings…move to the couch. Stand outside or even go for a walk if you’re not risking frostbite in the process. Your brain needs stimuli, throw it for a loop and go brush your teeth or something.
Find joy
This one is hard. Where is joy when everything is bleak? If it were easy to find wouldn’t you just be happy all the time?
My experience with this is that you need to focus on your senses individually, some of them can provide you joy more easily than others.
- Taste – if you already like food (have favorite comfort foods, or enjoy trying new foods), this one can be as simple as ordering takeout from that Indian restaurant down the street that taunts you with its luscious naan every time you think about cooking something healthy for yourself. But we can all eat food we like and not experience joy. The trick is to focus on it. Make sure the food you’re having is the right temperature (warm curry, cold pasta salad, whatever), sit in a comfortable spot, put a forkful in your mouth and close your eyes. Eat slowly, try different textures or flavors, see if there’s joy there.
- Smell – candles from Target, duh. FYI they check your license if you try to buy a bulk package of lighters at the self checkout lane.
- Sound – do you listen to music? Try listening to something you like (or something new) while you sit on the couch or go for a walk. Focus on the rhythm, the lyrics, or how the song makes you feel. Try older music with less electronic garble. Sound quality in recordings has changed for the worse over the years, check out The Distortion of Sound documentary about this.
- Sight – Looking at nature seems to help me a lot, particularly bright colors from plants, or contrast of colors if it’s dull and wintery out. There was a study done that looking at brightly colored flowers for a few minutes can help your mental health. Look it up.
- Touch – If you have pets, this one is easy. Or if you don’t, maybe wrapping yourself up in a soft blanket or sweatshirt could be enjoyable. Maybe a hot shower, maybe wading into the ocean if that’s an option and the weather’s nice.
Make a list
Making a to-do list and checking it off gives you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. It can also make sure that you give yourself credit for doing the most basic things, which are hard when you’re struggling to get out of bed. The list can be “make coffee”, or “brush teeth”, it can be “read something”, or “eat food”. Include easy things on the list so you get the instant gratification of checking something off to get yourself started.
None of the techniques mentioned have cured any mental health issues that I have had for years, but they have improved quality of life day-to-day. Sometimes it’s nice to have a list of things that you know will soften an edge or that you can fall back on. Sometimes they work better than other times.
If you’ve made it to the end of yet another very subjective post, let me know if this helps at all,
Thanks for reading,
Victoria