I wrote this post yesterday but all the advice I gave felt kind of empty – surface level, I wasn’t sure why. Drink lemon water? I think we all know that’s some internet bullshit kind of advice to give. Sure, hydration is important and honestly it will probably be included somewhere in this post anyway, but I’m not an influencer, I don’t have a web presence, I don’t have any reason to churn out useless, obvious content that may or may not ever be read.
Recurring insomnia brings out the worst in us, we feel like ghosts or like we have to drag ourselves through life and work overtime to keep small inconveniences from turning us into Mr. Hyde. It’s physically and mentally uncomfortable, and sometimes it feels like the end of the world.
I’m 28 years old and have been dealing with recurring insomnia for about 15 years, have tried many solutions, sought medical help, and still struggle regularly from the issue. I want to find the people who I’m surviving alongside in this boat, because that’s what this problem requires. Survival. I want this blog to be about living a normal life, just with less energy. With delicacy, moving a little slower, trying to enjoy things and feel like yourself despite the frustration and mental fog.
Last night I woke up at 2am and didn’t fall back asleep – it’s 11am now. Re-writing this from the perspective of sleep deprivation, I realized that that’s what I was missing (reality). Granted, yesterday I woke up at 4am but not trying to piss myself off thinking about how this week is going so far so let’s get into it.
The Side Effects
Some things I’m currently experiencing due to insomnia (from several nights in a row of poor sleep) :
- Headache (especially behind eyes)
- Sensitive skin
- Sensitive eyes
- Shakiness
- Difficulty regulating temperature (too hot/ too cold)
- Sweating
- Achy body
- Lack of appetite, mild nausea
- Brain fog
- Memory issues
- Digestive issues
- Emotional overwhelm – sadness, frustration, feeling out of control
Taking a look in the bathroom mirror while sunlight has the audacity to stream in through closed blinds, my face looks horrible. I feel ugly. The bags under my eyes are dark purple, my eyes are bloodshot, my skin looks splotchy and features look puffy. Every fine line I’ve ever noticed is in attendance today: welcome to the circus. I don’t want to do this day.
I suppose this is the defining choice – we’re going to take care of ourselves today. Move slowly, be kind, and accomplish only basic necessities.
The Approach
I’m in between jobs right now so my day will be spent at home. But a month ago I was working full time, getting up at 5:30am every day and commuting an hour each way to a very hectic social job as a manufacturing engineer. The same self care techniques and routines apply to both lifestyles. If I was still working, I would take the day off, or at least let my boss know I was having a rough morning and would be in to work late. Cut yourself some slack.
Something interesting I learned from the Huberman Labs podcast regarding sleep schedule, is to get sunlight within half an hour of getting up in the morning, to regulate your circadian rhythm. This will promote sleepiness when evening comes around. I try to do this every day, regardless of sleep quality.
I sit down on the couch, crank up the heated blanket and grab a glass of water (welp, there’s the nod to hydration). I’m making a to-do list, and arguably this is one of the most important parts of starting a sleepless day. Having high hopes for yourself will only lead to disappointment, and today is all about fostering calm to set ourselves up for a better sleep tonight.
I write out all the things I wanted to get done today, before not having slept – things like feed cats, clean cat box, do dishes, laundry, apply for jobs, learn more about investing, go for a walk, etc. Then I go through the list and cross out anything that’s not absolutely essential that I get done today. Errands? Dirty dishes? Sounds like problems for tomorrow.
Then I replace all the things that were crossed out with basic self care things that typically wouldn’t need to be included on the list. Brush teeth. Brush hair. Change out of pj’s.
I lie down and close my eyes for a few minutes, let the heated blanket swallow me up. Pamper yourself a little, like you’re ten years old and it’s a snow day off from school, real life can wait. I miss that feeling.
I feed the cats and get the kettle started to make some mint tea – coffee isn’t forbidden on these days but it shouldn’t be consumed on an empty stomach when I’m already struggling with things like body temperature, sweating, shakiness, and headache. Mint tea calms me down and breathing in the steam seems to ease the headache a little.
I make some oats in the microwave, this is pretty typical for my hobbit-like lifestyle, but anything low in added sugar should suffice. The last thing we need is a sugar crash on top of the horseshit we already have to deal with. Sorry cinnamon rolls, maybe tomorrow.
Next up is a long hot shower followed by slipping into some comfy sweats. On work days I would wear looser jeans and a soft flannel. If I’m at home I’ll usually spend the day doing things like reading a book, listening to podcasts, or watching tv using blue light glasses (helps with tired eyes and headache). If at work, I would make a short to-do list for the day, focus on one thing at a time, and take frequent breaks.
I would recommend investing in blue light glasses if you spend a lot of time looking at screens (who doesn’t at this point). I got a 3-pair off of Amazon for less than $10 and I wouldn’t say they’re life changing but they definitely soften the blow. It seems like research on the effectiveness of these goes both ways, but I’ve noticed a minor improvement when I use them, particularly on sleepy days.
I plan to write a separate post soon detailing the methods I’ve tried to remedy frequent insomnia, what’s worked and what hasn’t.
Thanks for reading,
Victoria